Saturday, April 21, 2018

swamped

its been a hectic hectic past few weeks, feels like months, maybe it is encroaching that. i have cancelled my leave several times and am in need of urgent zone out time.

i was supposed to be outstation again this weekend. parliament's out and the PMs out and about going to announce projects and such. am glad this time i am reprieved of this circus. i deactivated my fb to get away from it all but had to get back on as there was some websites that needed my fb id to login.

my upper back is super sore post deep tissue massage, more like muscle pounding and kneading and pulverization. its black and blue.

im supposed to be asleep now, as i have yoga first thing tomorrow and lots of errands to run. mama and abi are otw to trg, tok de is hospitalized. i think i should go back and see her. but i have to settle the rental house. the prev tenant, actually my first tenant moved out and the house needs to be renovated. i have to move money around.

i have one cuti ganti to be redeemed. and if i went this sunday, i would get another plus a travelling day. but i do not want to be involved in that circus.

i had a point i wanted to write about just now but am super distracted. my mind is frazzled thinking about a million things now. most of which i cant write here

Wednesday, February 28, 2018

outstation

this department requires that if you are incharge of a far away state, you're out a lot. i signed up for an online course i thought i would take to improve my planning skills. turns out God wanted me to take t so i can fill u my time doing useful things. im already behind on 3 assignments! i wanna cry. havent been in this setting in a while =(.

my ride is here. tbc after dinner. am starved.

its the morning after. i meant to say i have thse assignments pending and another one coming up due tmoro and here i am going out to the expo and eating out till late.

i already had breakfast at the hotel. i ddnt know they had breakfast at the meeting bfore starting so i was rushing (as usual) only to find im super early. i have a runny nose, too much unnatural ventilation. i am not a fan of airconditioners. i prefer fans and cross ventilations.

one can do a task really great, especially when one is not meant to be doing it. like me and blogging. i should be writing up my assignments and redeeming myself. i hope i wont be charged extra fees for the late submissions.

oh yea main point of the post was outstations. i m travelling the way i want. i got the travel business bag i drooled over. i travel with my ipad and wireless keyboard. the rechargeable batteries cost 65% of the price of the actualy keyboard (not including postage). im wearing the shoes i got specifically for going to sites.

and yet i dont know what i'm feeling. kind a lethargic. maybe coz im always on the move. in and out of hotels and planes with the unnatural ventilations. i should be thankful im not stuck at home doing nothing, or at some factory job doing the same thing over and over again.

i do love travelling, im glad i get to do it. at first i did lots of daytrips. early morning flights and late afternoon return trips. now i try to avoid those, infact i rarely do them, i will usually arrive the day before. i have missed a morning meeting because of delayed landings due to bad weather.

Tuesday, February 6, 2018

braindumping

sometimes im on a roll and i feel like writing lots and lots.

this morning i read an article on how to declutter your mind. im all for decluttering. i've read (and written about) konmari the lifechanging magic of decluttering, and her manual of tidying up spark joy. her view was that what ever was present in the external reflects our internal and it even influences it. ie the external was a symptom of internal. for example your messy room might be you trying to avoid issues in your life. i cant remember where i read it but have lost the link. thought i saved it.

so then my colleague gifted me a wonderful book her relative recommended entitled simplicite. the art of living. unlike the first book which was written by a japanese, this book is written by a french living in japan. it has 3 parts to it. the external world, your messy material clutter. once youre done with that, it proceeds with your body and finally the mind.

so thats where the short article today took me. it was a short lunch hour read and i took notes. its how i absorb.

the mind needs to declutter as so does everything in life. why we have spring cleaning. the article lists down some very useful advice. it starts off with braindumping. which i found is what i have been doing all these while. im a list maker and i usually have a few books at hand to write in. i try to separate work lists with personal or other rambling ideas that come to me during the day. so this article tells it very clearly on how to do it. i realised that i had a brain dump all this while. to unload, i would usually write it down in a book. sometimes the book change multiple times and i have lots of lists lying around. these lists are usually maintenance lists, like what to do, errands, groceries and such.

so once you have offloaded on to paper, this frees your mind from remembering so you can stop worrying if you will forget, you can just go back to your list and review what needs to be done.

prioritize. write everything down that crosses your wonderful mind but then prioritze the day's work.

when i first started working in an office i was so lost. i didnt know what to do on a daily basis. now i basically (rush to work lol) i need to devise a system for that haha anyway once i get to the office and have some breakfast, usually takes about an hour along with some general catching up with office mates and bosses. i sit down and review the list. usually i have a list of what needs to be done from the previous day or week. and i review whatever left over tasks that hasnt been completed prior. if needs be, i write a new list with things sectioned and prioritized. i tick each one as i complete them.

lots of procrastination is just indecisiveness. i really wanted to buy that little black book of decision making, but the price gap of how expensive east malaysia prices are got me. it was just rm3, but i thought it was unfair. anyway it will go on my to buy/read list. i should have just said yes! go for it. maybe i was just indecisive. (that led me to this which i will read later)

i have figured out that its ok to spend money on things that you value. do you value personal development? education? learning? so buy that book. and make sure you read it too! sometimes i think i just love the idea of books. i love having them, holding them, but to actually go through one really is a chore now. i used to be able to read a whole book in one sitting. devoured them. now i blame technology (fb newsfeed and their articles specifically) for my shortage of attention. i have to retrain my mind. sometimes i dont even read the piece, i just share and/or save it based on the title.

so apart from the practical day to day runnings of the day list, the article suggests that you should keep a journal. i used to have one i love writing in. i finished one, and in the middle of another, but thanx to another piece of technology (this time instagram) i rarely journal. its mostly on ig in the form of vague pictures and lengthy captions.

i wish i wrote more, but that would mean, i needed to read more. i also needed to discuss ideas and have found an avenue in the form of a well read colleague. i will make it a point to actually read so that i can squeeze in a weekly pseudophilosophically intriguing session with the said work mate.

so what goes in a journal? keep your goals in them, long term short term, write down things you learnt and ideas, i do that here on blogger, for vague public topics (ok those are going as a label from now). but the touchier subjects i mask with some articles. i used to post up lots of lyrics too on my blogs.

most importantly for me, is to write down feelings. what my most personal journals are full of. i make sure to date it, so when i flip through them few years back, i read as if i am a different person. i sometimes cant remember what or who i was talking about. i try to camouflage them for my future self and also untrusted intruders. but sometimes i cant believe i felt those things. i read somewhere that you need to keep a journal to entertain your future self. well that person is right. im thoroughly entertained at myself by myself. heh. i cant believe myself at times. anyway, thats how you learn. you actually have to go through it. just try to cushion it and dont let the scars go too deep. realise early what youre in. where youre in. how big is the puddle. muddle puddle

next, is to automate tasks. so make those automatic monthly compulsory transactions, so you dont have to keep remembering to pay the bills, or give money to your parents.

also watch what you consume. as with every vessel, such as the stomach, it is as important to watch what goes into your mind. curate your feeds. unfollow those useless or depressing feeds on social media.

set your time when you spend time on a task and set your phone on airplane/do not disturb mode. if you're in office, that means you official office phone is contactable. once you start taking out your phone to "google something" it will inadvertently lead you down a winding path of distractedness. i always go down that path. esp when my webwhatsapp is on =P

so that was all my notes from that article. i thought i was a great article, wish i knew where to find it again.

splurge

i just got my ipad a new keyboard.

it started with me wanting that tumi luggage. it was a bespoke carry on with 4 multidirectional wheels. it was lightweight. it had 2 compartments; for clothes and another for documents and laptop. it was oh so lightweight. it was basically perfect for a bis trip. ive been eyeing it for over a year. i think. maybe am exxagerating.

so there i was everytime i went thru the airport, i stopped and sighed at the outrageous price tag of over a quarter of my monthly salary. and proceeded to walk away.

that went on until one fine day as usual i walked into a store admiring that luggage, the detailing, the make, all the fine thoughtful design that went into it. the salesgirl proclaimed as i walked away: we have the blue one on with 40% off. i was just carrying my leather office bag i brought everywhere. i had another bag checked in for the trip to kk. i was a carry on size but i couldnt be bothered to drag it long the in and out of sabah immigration.

the one on sale wasnt the usual black one i eyed, it was a royal blue. i ddnt immediately like it. i wanted it coz it was on sale. but then it grew on me. the blue was nicer. it was a rich dark blue. i looked at their website and the one they had it was a different hue. slightly lighter.

so i asked for the specifications and she said it would fit a 15' laptop. i used to have a smaller vaio one, about the size of an A5, now i use this bulky one, coz i wanted the screen space. it also serves as my workstation at home. i no longer used my desktop.

so i bought it.

i admired it during the entire trip. and later found out that i could just drag that one luggage as this one had slots i could attach it to the other bag's luggage handle. i was sheepishly dragging along 2 luggage during the trip to the hotel from the airport.

so i got back from that wonderful work trip and found out that my laptop could not fit! insert meh face here. now i either had to buy another laptop or find another solution to my situation. i needed to bring something along my worktrips to do my work on. and i wasnt about to buy another laptop or another carry on bag.

i have an underutilized ipad3. i bought it coz i use an iphone and used to have a macbook pro (which i sold off to some deserving phd student who recently completed her phd yay). so i have the whole apple ecosystem. i thought i would use a tablet one day during my post grad days. which have yet to come. uhu. so instead i might as well make it my travel workspace.

i asked around for opinions on a suitable keyboard to pair with the tablet. and am glad i went with the logitech i found on carousell. i just received it today and it works like a charm. i dont know if i type too fast or if the keyboard is less responsive, but there is some minor lag. apart from that it works well i have to memorize again the apple shortcuts.

for the time being i dont have magic mouse to pair with it (yet). so i just use the touch screen.

the magnetic leather keyboard cover doubles as a stand so i can modify the distance i need it to be. which is better than a keyboard/ipad case combo i was considering. it is light. but not as thin as i imagine. the official ipad pro keyboard/casing is super thin, but i prefer the feel of pressing the keys on this one. im tactile. no point in getting a physical keyboard otherwise hey.

so at rm111 it was a bargain. included postage.

main takeaway: spend money on what gives you value.

money is a bit tight. i can feel the pinch ouch. aha its just God reminding to spend where it matters.

p/s i published it using the ipad//keboard combo but edited on my normal laptop. next on the list is to get some rechargeable batteries with charger.



Sunday, January 7, 2018

consumed

i meant to restart that other dazeadoll blog linked to my instagram. so once in a while feeling empty, i would shut down everything. albeit temporarily.

the kids are not home. the baby is 1y3m almost, she can toddle around and has quite a sweet personality. the middle thumbsucker 2 yr old. or maybe shes nearly 3. i dont remember when they were born or their ages. well shes on trial for a week at the nursery. just to get her to interact with other kids. to improve her speech n socializing skills. all she does at home is lay down, suck her thumb touch her belly button and watch tv. she doesnt really eat either. she only really drinks milk. ive read somewhere that kids with aversion to food and its associated with their microbiome and possibily autism. i personally think the autism spectrum is overdiagnosed. its just society giving their kids too much one way screen time. we have become consumers.

the eldest started playschool quite early and is repeating everything this year i think. i saw her books. she was sent initially coz 3 kids might be too much for the help to handle and we ddnt want them to be fed and bathed only. she needed the social stimulation from kids her age anyway. she speaks a lot. and has learnt that since she has that advantage she has spoken on behalf of her sister or even used her sister as an excuse for what she wants. like when asking to watch tv. she knows how to request for it. her sister just cried her way into it and tantrums.

too much consumerism. we dont produce enough. we just take everything in. instagram, facebook etc. scrolling and rescrolling incymi. checking how many likes and comments and hearts we got. i dont know how to turn off the likes notificatin feature. those dont really meant anything. it sometimes is a marker for people who want u to know they are reading or looking at your posts tho. which i think i am doing sort of.

i dont even have to get out of the house and i can binge watch for hours. we are so concerned with what we feed our physical selves we dont see what we feed our brain and souls as fortification. as the people of anne with an e says.

i have always loved anne of green gables. i read all the books. i cant remember what happened in it. i know that i love it tho. they remade it a few years ago i think which i never watched, so when they rebooted it on netflix. i binged on the whole 7 episode of series one. go watch its really good. i dont recall if that was what was in the book. but the characters in it faced some of the similar things we now face and fret about. i was looking for something soapy to cry over on netflix, when i couldnt find it i just watched anne with an e because i loved the book and her character. but thats exactly what i ended up doing, crying along with the character.

some of the issues addressed in the series makes you go aha. i read the critiques about how they ddnt have to portray the men as misogynists just to make her a strong feminist. im not for the feminist movement if it involved putting down men. i am for levelling the playing field. but the patriarchy i see in my malay muslim malaysian culture doesnt call for the field to be levelled. in the education and career. i see more women succeeding compared to men especially in university. i think the men need to buck up. yes to street smarts and all. but it pains me to see my friends pursuing theirs masters degrees and advancing their careers while their husbands are towed behind all over the country without a stable income to provide for the family. most of the people i know can and will or have left their husbands because they can. girls in my community earn enough to sustain themselves and their children.

the men have to buck up. its not just about the job and money but its about the responsibility and providing. men like to be in that role. but when its expected of them they say that its too much. or they agree but dont actually do anything about it. maybe the girls are expecting too much. but is it better than to settle?

i told my friends that i noticed people were tested with what they loved/are obsessed with most. esp those that take our directional compass away from God. so wives who loved their husbands dearly (maybe too much even) was tested with a sister wife to share that love with. couples who absolutely really want children are tested with fertility issues. people who do have kids are tested with a calamity that affects their beloved child, the loss of a child, but they fared well, as was replaced with more. and people who map out their lives getting married, having kids later and so on dont really go on to do that.

i m not caught up into all of that now. i can step aside in the stream and am more aware. yoga has helped me become aware of emotions, sensations, feelings in my body.

i ve written before about what ym said about feelings and emotions. they can come knocking, we cant stop them. but do we really have to open the door, let them in, invite them to sit down for tea? we can mute our phones and ignore spam messages. the spam goes directly to trash in our email. so yea we arent responsible for how people treat us, or how they make us feel even tho a small part is because we had buttons they knew how to push. yes we do falter sometimes, even tho we are aware of what they are knowingly doing, we still let them. its difficult to do. sieving out things. let the good things stay. knowing what the good things are. acknowledging and wanting the good things. the ultimate value based good things, not the frothy temporary feel good things which leave us empty.

we fill up the emptiness by consumption. we consume and think its the reality of everyone else s lives. we reproduce a fake image of ourselves, catching the best angles and lighting, and if that fails, filter everything to make people think we are perfect and shiny and happy.

so filter your feed. you can even be friends with them irl, but if their posts are what you want to consume, mute it. unfollow if you must. my fb feed is basically empty. i dont want to look at my friends and have untowardly feelings about their lives. ain is real.

fill you feeds with meaningful things. even better dont fill yourselves with feeds. fill yourself with knowledge and skill. go and do something. meaningful or otherwise. just go and do something.

its the just go and do it thats difficult. the starting. once you do start. make sure you finish.

i dont really do new years resolutions. because i do ramadhan ones. ramadhan resolutions has a nicer ring to it. but this year, ive just realised that ive basically become static for the past 4 years or so. it felt like that in medical school. when time froze for 5, you go in an 18 year old and leave not feeling much different. why they say med school keeps you young. at least thats what i got until recently that is. ppl have started to call me kak. and i am no longer offended =p i used to mind as i ddnt think i was that old. but being in your early 30s you definitely not want 20 something year olds being overly familiar with you. it was flattering at first but now its annoying. i am not at that stage in my life where i have to worry about scholarships and assignments. oh gosh maybe i am.

Sunday, December 10, 2017

crafting

I've always loved working with my hands. I crossstiched when i smaller. then took it up again for a short stint during matriculation. it wasnt the highly complicated adult ones, it was one of those cute ones still.

I also sewed after my SPM. went to formal classes. I enjoy making things immensely.

During school in the UK, Art was one of the subjects i enjoyed thoroughly, even though i dont consider myself as having innate talent. My paintings during SPM looked still. more of a diagramatic Moores clinical anatomy illustration rather than art. I got a B and ruined my SPM certificate hehe. It wasnt ruined, I just broke the streak of having all A's. wait I was the first who took SPM with my siblings so I guess I did them a favour by not getting all A's. haha. yes they progressively got more and better A's. this was probably the only B in the whole family.

I also enjoyed wood work, metal work during high school. and in primary school, clay work and other art projects involve with pasting and making things. I cant draw to save my life. except diagrams. I can do those, and tables and hierarchies.

I have now taken up another crafting project: leather work! gaa

Should i invest in the tools tho. i think its lovely to fix things i already have. but leather is not very environmentally friendly.

That reminds me i need my puncher and scrap leather from my sofa to use up.

Maybe some picture will follow. or can check out #dazeamakes if the link isnt broken

finish

I did not finish fully synthesizing the previous blog blog. There was a few other topics in my notes which was not fully explore. I have to learn how to finish.

The trouble is all think we have enough time.

So here is the thing about finishing; there can be a good or a bad finish.

Bad ones are the ones where there is no closure. when the finish is unexpected. I'm thinking about a few things now; a friend's grave diagnosis, a relationship that wasn't meant to be. if it can even be called that. usually the bad ones are the things that happen abruptly. As we are unprepared.

That's why we are taught to pray for a Good Ending, husnul khotimah.

Why are we unprepared when we know the inevitable is coming. Death. End of a relationship. Why does it still catch us by surprise? When you know it WILL happen. you just don't know when. Everything has an appointed term.

I think my problem with finishing is facing the fact that it did. How do we prepare ourselves better for the fact.

I just started a leather crafting workshop. I think I bought my starter set. Gosh. I was planning on buying a sewing machine to get back to sewing. Maybe I can merge the two somehow.

My workout schedule is totally haywire, it was al nice and spreadout through the week, now it has been compressed to about 2 classes per weekend day. I have to sort that out some how and not be too rigid with what I do.

As long as I have some cardio, toning, strengthening and stretching.

I should find some time for Strong by Zumba. It's good, i just dread the moments leading up to it. Running is definitely not my thing. I have to find another outlet for cardio. I need to find time for gym time, or make friends with new PTs.

I want to hike, daytrips maybe. And also take up swimming. So many things on my plate!

I know I need to prioritize lest I dont get all. The only thing consistent now is Salsation. I'm very selective about my classes, I ddnt use to be. actually I did, I just followed one instructor everywhere, but shes based nearby so i can follow most of her classes. now im sort of over Zumba. just doesnt get me anymore.

I have a training end of January. I said its because I wanted to improve my skills. but hey theres no harm if I actually do teach later.

So thats physical activity and creativity outlet adressed.

Other areas I wanna address is nutrition and spiritual needs. and later relational ones.

Thursday, November 16, 2017

umbrella of darkness and sacred conversation

brace yourself this will be long. or i might break it up. its been more than a week month since a post. i thought i wanted to do a one a day post to be my version of inktober. but nope. so here s something i got from an event i went to recently.

i actually started another blog so i can make it more of a public thing. but im more comfortable here i guess. and the adsense was never approved there cox its too young.

first about the event. i bought tickets months in advance, as soon as it was announced. i needed to fill that spiritual gaping void i knew i had. ive only been topping my physical needs love tank in the forms of avid exercising. (oh the post work out high~). ive been to several of her talks since how many years ago. she started by writing. so one of her first talks was her reading out one of her writings. it was at being me. then i found out about her divorce. i felt that yea if she could be tested by that, what about me a mere mortal. and that concluded with finding out shes married at the end of those two days.

i thought ive heard enough of her talks to gain anything from it. but u was wrong. initially i was slightly sceptical. but i knew i had to do it for myself. i was open and receptive. when she told us to set our intentions i ddnt know what to focus on. but alhamdulillah by the end of i needed to hear everything she said and took away something.

i even spent time at two major mosques. the national mosque and also the federal territory mosque. i loved the different architectural styles, the expansive open space and the general calm of the place. just sitting there. contemplating.

the idea behind umbrella of darkness is that, its actually bright and sunny everywhere but when we're under the umbrella we dont realise it. we are clouded and consumed by darkness and see everything as dark. the truth of the matter is that everything has an appointed time. even the darkness. and yes even the light. but its funny sometimes i prefer the cool dark of the night. its soothing and comforting. i guess sometimes we need both.

as humans our physical bodies have an innate ability to heal itself. all cells, except certain non regenerative cells such as the brain and cardiac. but even studies are refuting this to a certain extent. (update: i just watched a ted talk here about adult neurogenesis, lack of it correlates with depression)

anyway her point was that, if God gave your body that ability what of our spiritual/mental self. (update: i also watched a ted talk about emotional first aid here) it too heals. just believe in that. know where youre headed. and know what to do when youre under the umbrella. know what to do during the trial. how to close the umbrealla if youre strong enough. and if u cant how to hold on knowing its good for you and that it will end. sounds like my housemanship! haha knew i had to go through and that it will be good for me. and that it will end.

so we are not merely physical bodies with souls. theres a lot of other dimensions to our being. apart from the biological, the thoughts, our emotions and feelings, our spirituality, relational needs, our dietary and nutritional needs. all these needs to be fulfilled.

stimulis, stressors and events are external things which interact with our self and we in turn react to that giving our external behaviour. or even changing us on the insides. on all those different aspects of us.

so at our very core, there the heart, and in the very core of that is a special place that should only be filled by God. its fitrah. theres a place for everything else too. for other things we are allowed to love. our family, friends, career, love of nice things. we are allowed all those but only in its right place and proportion. the only place reserved for God should only be fille dby God.

this is in essence the story line of the American Gods book by my fave author neil. the modern world is so consumed and lost that we take other than God as god. that book describes things we serve such as wealth, power, media. and in our daily lives, spouses, children, career. they are our center and we revolve around that.

we need to reset and ensure that the only thing we are centered upon is God. its what consumes us. what our day revolves around, that will be the thing our prayers revolve around. what we pray for, if not to. nauzubillah.

another major take away is to think Good of God. our adab when praying and asking from God. if we know what go through is from God, we will chin up and take it in stride. we know its good for us and we have to go through it.

the phrase with difficulty there is ease is sometimes wrongly interpreted as, after difficulty there comes ease. but the fact is, along with the difficulty there is still some ease at the same, but we are too consumed with the pain we do not see the parts which do not hurt. do not be gratitude deficient.

when Musa AS faced the sea, God said strike the sea. and God willing it parted. he still had to do his part. actually strike the sea, even though God parted it.

Do your part by climbing the mountain, take the hike. but that doesnt mean you have to carry the whole burden yourself. leave that to God. like Hajar. she knew the test was from God. but she trusted in God and kept on climbing the moutain, multiple times until it resulted in the everflowing well.

shift your focus. what you focus on grows. do a gratitude journal. it becomes a habit. our outlook in life is the only thing that determines how we change out views.

make dua about it. is there anything you can do? then do it. have i done everything about it? do it.

when thoughts come knocking at your door. you can choose to let it in, offer it some tea or let be on on its own accord. you can choose to entertain whom you will. this includes your thoughts who lingers in your sacred place. the mind.

the mind. the heart. are all sanctuaries. you choose. amek dua abou it. who you let it.

make istikarah about it. ask Allah to take the wheel. the determining factor is how it unfolds. if theres a block. multiple blocks. take it me away from it. it away form me. if its good for me bring me closer to it. it closer to me. having done istikarah doesnt mean it will be smooth all the way. there will blocks for you to come over but it was the path you were meant to endure.

anxiety is the fear of the pain. the anticipation. before it actually occurs.

what do we do while we are in pain. how to power through to cope. when we do reps at the gym. you focus on the outcome. not the pain in the moment. start counting when it hurts. or at least on the preset target.

once the night passes. how do we move on from there. healing form the pain. first of all. stop picking at the scabs during the healing process. you will scar deeper and the wound wont heal properly.

the things she prescribed are as before. i just have to keep reminded. and actually do it. just do it. regardless.

i have about 5 pages more notes to summarize. till another time hey.

royal chulan kuala lumpur.

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

love tank

continuing the love tank theme from yesterday (i wrote the prev post yesterday but fell asleep while waiting for my henna to dry) below is an excerpt from an ummah.com forum thread. i think its a beautiful explanation.

i usually am aprehensive about writing things like this, but i just realized the view counts on this blog is just me checking for typos. so basically nobody comes here. heh so write we go.

but before reading the thread below, let me share from yesterday's yasmin talk go to 21:45, she describe what it meant.
until i heard this ive never been satisfied with any explantion about uhibbuka fiAllah. i love your for Allah. what does it mean. how does one do it. i love you enough to do what? according to yasmin, when you love someone for Allah, you love to them, when i give something to you as a friend, i dont expect something in return. i give a favour for Allah, because of Allah, through Allah. i dont expect anything in return, time, appreciation, support. the reward will be from God, not from you. you dont owe me. we are not needy. we dont need the people. we are not vulnerable when we wait for something from them. we are putting our trust in the wrong place to seek for support, fulfilment and self worth (validation). either poeple or other things such as career grades material things. other things to make us feel good about ourselves. those things are weak and cannot provide us.

the solution: refocus on Allah and our relationship with Him. within the relationship with people, through Allah, because Allah and for Allah. i dont need reciprocation. the giving back doesnt come from you, it comes from Allah.

How do you respond when someone says to you that they love you for the sake of Allah (uhibbuka fi-Allah)?


In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,


The great Hadith scholar and jurist of this Umma, Imam Nawawi (Allah have mercy on him) has dedicated a whole chapter to the topic of loving others for the sake of Allah in his work Riyadh al-Salihin titled: “The virtues of loving for the sake of Allah and its encouragement, and a man who loves another, informing him that he loves him, and what to say to him when he informs him.” The Imam then quotes numerous Qur’anic verses and Hadiths regarding the virtues of loving others for the sake of Allah, its benefits and rewards, and some etiquette. 

In summary, there are three issues here: 1) Virtues and benefits of loving for the sake of Allah, 2) Informing the person one loves that one loves them for the sake of Allah, and 3) How to respond when informed of this love? 

1) Virtues and benefits of loving for the sake of Allah 

Sayyiduna Anas (Allah be pleased with him) relates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Anyone who possesses three attributes will experience the sweetness of faith (iman): that he loves Allah and His Messenger more than anything else; that he loves someone for the sake of Allah alone; and that he hates the idea of reverting to disbelief, after Allah has released him from it, as much as he would hate being thrown into fire.” (Sahih al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim) 

Loving for the sake of Allah means one loves an individual simply because of the connection he holds with Allah; either because he worships Allah and is doing something to further the deen of Allah, or, even more praiseworthy, merely because he is from the creation of Allah. There is no worldly motive behind this love such as a favour done by him, and is not subject to any fluctuation. As such, it is not increased by the character and kindness of the one loved and not decreased by his shortcomings. (Ibn Allan, Dalil al-Falihin 2/240) 

2) Informing the person that one loves them for the sake of Allah 

Abu Karima al-Miqdad ibn Ma’dikarib (Allah be pleased with him) relates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “When a man loves his brother, he should inform him that he loves him.” (Sunan Abi Dawud no: 5124 and Sunan Tirmidhi no: 2393) 

As such, it is a Prophetic recommendation to inform the person one loves for the Sake of Allah of this love, since this will increase their mutual love and strengthen the bond of brotherhood. It is also good to disclose that this love is for Allah’s sake alone, and not because of any worldly gain or motive. 

3) How to respond when being informed of this love? 

Sayyiduna Anas (Allah be pleased with him) relates that a man was sitting in the company of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) and another man passed by him. He said, “O Messenger of Allah, I love this man.” The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said to him, “Have you informed him?” He said, “No.” He said, “Inform him,” so he caught up with him and said, “I love you for the sake of Allah.” He said, “May the One for whom you love me [Allah] love you.” (Sunan Abi Dawud 1522) 

In light of this practice of the Companion (Allah be pleased with him), if one is informed by someone that they love one for the sake of Allah (uhibbuka fi-Allah), one should respond by saying, “ahabbakalladhi ahbabtani lahu,” meaning may Allah Most high, for the sake of Whom you have love for me, love you. It is a way of reciprocating them for their love and making Dua for them, Insha Allah. 

And Allah knows best
Muhammad ibn Adam
Darul Iftaa 
Leicester , UK 


angerrrrrr

do not get angry. la taghdob.

thank you yasmen mogahed a talk in 2013.

islam acknowledges anger. we feel anger. its there for a reason. like the purpose of pain. its to protect the weak from oppression. not in order to harm or oppress others.

islam doesnt say anger doesnt exist. its what you do with the anger.

another reason is to protect ourselves against our own nafs. not so that we self hate. so that we direct the anger towards our lower self of our own selves. the wrong way is to defend that lower part of our own selves.

what causes anger and feeds it?

1 feeling not in control. nobody is in control. Allah is in control. none of us are.
the cure: we need to let go of wanting to control every little thing.

2 high expectations. any expectations (sense of entitlement ie this is what i deserve), when u expect from the creation and dunya. vs hoping and praying for something. the moment u get it, u cant really enjoy it coz u expect it. i meant to get this anyway. if u dont expect it, u surprise yourself and are more grateful for it. on the contrary if you dont get it, you will be broken.
the cure: dont feel entitled.

(note: there is a minimum humane expectation. there certain minimum levels of respect and dignity you are entitled to. know your rights)



you are not punished for your anger, you are punished by your anger.

on a separate note. heres a talk about being let down. being constantly sad and empty. you are holding on to a twig, it wasnt designed to hold your weight, you fall. you're hanging on to the wrong things. you're filling your self with the wrong thing. with the wrong types of love and devotion. devote yourself to God. the love and the mercy is a sign. its a means of God. a means of reaching Allah. it's not an end in itself. its not the purpose. this is a sign for those who reflect. its a sign of Allah's Love and Mercy and Kindness. this other person isnt to save us. The only thing that can save you is your Creator. the only One who is meant to fill you up, to fulfil you give you happiness and strength is the the Creator. the other person wasn't meant to fulfil that role.

the disappointment is due to the wrong expectations. the love tank can only be filled with God. stop filling it up with the wrong thing which contracts, evaporates quickly and is draining afterwards.