Friday, June 17, 2016

friday hey

this is an actually annual post. i promised myself it wouldnt be. right now im temporarily in balkis' room. great room. scenic. to day it's especially cold. usually its hot in the afternoons. actually its usually hot during afternoons in ramadhan. scorching almost.

we're a third of our way thru. yesterday i had iftar at the mosque. it was my first time going. they finally installed aircond. there was so many people. it was like a fiesta. so many kids. and parents not having to cook. outsourced to the caterers. the day prior i ate at the office. official buka puasa gig this year. they combined everything with the minister, his deputy, even ksu. 1malaysia! out top execs are of all 3 races. even the dg was there. and the media and the anak yatim and single parents. we prayed to getehr afterwards. it was very comfortable. the food was better than it was last yr.

my ramadhan schedule is fri night zumba jaja at nilai. sat night iron and hamer taman dato harun.

the dg facebooks and he also blogs. altho he uses wordpress.

im swamped in work and might be evicted soon from this temp place. but i love it here. love my job and the work it entails.

just need to figure all the other stuff out.

i just came up with a resolution: to follow through. that's what i have to do. hey it rhymes. im always when things like this heppen.

i have figured out how to be at the office. how to lead an office life. it doesnt get boring. there are lots of mtgs. but not boring ones. there are actual decisions and work that gets done during those meetings.

puj has started to implement the half hour lunch and hence ppl can get away half hour earlier during ramadhan. trg has done this ages ago.

i do have a few other things to clear out of my head but its not for public consumption

update on the house. im tenantless. but its repainted and retiled (some areas) i have acquired some lovely pieces of furniture. coffee table, tv console, sofa and beds. all free from 3 different homes. although one owner decided to "charge" me for it. i havent decided whether or not to accept the offer. its not a very nice bed. metal frame. and the mattress looks like its just foam.

i have recently watched a documentary about juicing. i thought it was just a promo thing. but i am gonna try a cleanse. maybe when i can guzzle juice all day. i have to go shopping.

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

annual post

so it seems like this blog will get an annual update afterall

i have decided that this is the first step to reactivating this dusty blog. not the frist time ive said that. anyway, im in a better place. ive changed departments after that shitty place i was in before. excuse my french. that unit did not warrant a better description anyway except what comes out of ones' bowels.

generally updates first. i will start the positives first, then about things id like to improve.

1 i recently had my first zumbaversary, which im heavily involved in nowaday. im meeting so many cool people. i am heavily invested in it. financially and also my time. which is also money. time is money. time i could spend doing locum but would rather not.

2 i still live at home with the family. love having the 2 kids around. they love their tilong (me; aunty long) esp when they wanna go around in the car. we used to have rabbits for a few months. then they were slaughtered and the family had a feast. i went out and watched 3 movies.

3 im travelling as much as i used to. but less than id like to. you see travel requires the financial means, which i have been unable to generate

sadly i dont read as much as i used to, or rather as much as i'd like. hence why i can no longer produce long winded blogposts. my attention span nowadays is that like a goldfish. probbably. no thanx to all these fb updates and instagramming that i do. and texting.

4 this brings up to next point. i dont write as much. i think writing is good. it helps sort out your thougths. i stopped for a while in trg

toodles, till next time. will be updating soon. i think. i hope

ps i cant believe mampu didnt block blogspot from the office. the wonders of the internet hey

Saturday, July 5, 2014

ramadhan resolution & progress

i only had 1 ramadhan resolutions, usually i make a few as ramadhan approaches

this yr its that i wont go to the bazaar, (and one other thing)
so far ive kept my resolution alhamdulillah, i hope i make through the rest of the month

so i finally read alkahf on a fri, i didnt get through the whole passage but i did read it in tandem with the translation alhamdulillah. a question popped up about why there was a dedicated portion regarding people who would question how many youths there actually were.

my question was immediately answered when i listened to a vid by NAK about alkahf. mashaAllah. subhanAllah.

later that day i went for iftar, and my fon went dead, i was practically lost ont he way to bukit antarabangsa, and if i ddnt arrive there on time i would have probably had my iftar at the mosque. so i prayed and i prayed and i got to where i was supposed to be on time, exactly on the dot. alhamdulillah.

i read that ramadhan isnt the only month of the year that you do good, its a glimpse of what you could do for the rest of the year. what you're capable of. which is amazing and ive never thought of it that way. just look at how you much ibadah u can perform. how little sleep u can get by. how productive you are at work. im so motivated to finish my publication so that i can submit my application to go back into clinical practice. i started reading the Quran again after yonks! *nanges* even if u over/under sleep ur brains not fuzzy. i can wake up on time when i plan to. Ya Allah, you show us so much mercy and love and look what we do to ourselves *nanges*

i subscribed to bayyinah i hope i utilize it fully. initially i was planning on getting a refund, but i hope i can just help them in their cause.

i know nobody reads this stuff anyway, but i think writing is a good way to express and organize fuzzy thoughts.

Monday, June 16, 2014

change your job description

listening to: me i am mariah
in the middle of reading: a myriad of books

right now I'm stuck. id like to think that I'm not. and that this is just temporary. id like to make career choices but that would affect where i live and am for the next 4 yrs. i just have to settle this glitch. it should ve, could ve been settled a lot earlier than this!

yea i kno hes hurting, rip the bandaid off already! why leave it to drag and scar everyone along the way too. yes i deserve this but you don't have to be nasty about it. why prolong the inevitable.

before that, heres a life of what i should be doing instead of being online
  • sorting out my clothes. casual vs work. dresses/jubah vs baju kurung. formal pants v slacks. shirts vs blouses. clothes to keep vs give away vs sell
  • start on my sewing projects and get my blogshop/fb shop up n running
  • fix clothes i love. if i love something i wear it until i wear it out. my shoes for example. my fave pair of pants. i don't kno if i actually really did grow skinny, or did my pants wear out that much. they've become loose! enough humble brag from me. hah
  • plan out the townhouse conversion! i can't wait. this is a whole other blogpost in itself. maybe ill write a paragraph in a bit about it.
  • plan a holiday. china for raya. krabi coz i got vouchers for a resort there. bali just because. egypt for yusro. turkey for the food! id better start a holiday club.
  • plan the future: what speciality to take? should i take a speciality?
  • the usual chores. laundry. tidying up.
im so erratic i sometimes scare me. i know i scare other people. i used to care but i don't anymore. at least i don't think so. sheepish grin. i don't kno how i got where i am now. its seems unreal. i feel like I'm about to jump off a cliff. the dreadful anticipation. 

ok townhouse conversion idea.
im in the process of acquiring a double storey terraced house. i won't give it fancy link house names or anything like that. it is what it is. its about 20x70''. i think thats large by todays modern definitions. 

the plus of the house. its minutes away from le parents. its landed. people keep talking about this. great neighbourhood. i can split it into 2! yay. i met someone who told me how to split the meter so it can be separate households, legally! i like living upstairs for the following reasons : privacy, its not street level so i can open all the windows wide open, letting the light and air in. a main criteria in my books. theres 2 baths upstairs. i can make a mini kitchenette which will suffice. the ground floor is dangerous for solo dwellers, people can peer in and rob u through the grill (true story, sri manjung). and if I'm upstairs i can monitor my tenants go in and out. 

potential tenants are ho from hosp kajang. there will b water heaters and aircond, thus the slightly higher rental. 

i have to see which way the sun faces and decide whether i want the spacious living or the master bedroom i have to decide where my clothes are gonna live. 

have to find a way to let the air and light in without the heat.

and lighting is v important! i need dimmers, down lighters, reading lights. lighting affects everything esp mood.

i think some people are pheromatically incompatible. like u just can't stand someone, esp their smell. u feel like puking your inner self out and would rather die (or just harakiri yourself) than spend a day with that person let alone a room. pheromones. they do funny things. theoretically.

sorry the title of this blogpost was from an article i read about being motivated at work.

Sunday, June 1, 2014

back to december: kelabu and maleficent review

whoa a 2 yr hiatus, i wonder why (sheepish grin)

things have happened. things didn't happen.

working at the hosp doesn't leave you much room for things to happen that you can talk about. its always patient related and hence would result in breaches in confidentiality.

I've been back "home" for 3months now. by home i mean my parents' place. we move around so much that that is what the definition of home is. the last time i actually lived home was before i got shipped off to boarding school in malaysia. home was glasgow then, i was 12. now I'm my parents' adult child and I'm back home. its not my childhood home. that actually spans from perak to kl to trg (where i spent my school holidays, i don't know why i remember a lot of my childhood there)

I've wanted to do this review for a while now.

i heard about fixibooks from my sister. ok 'heard' is a loose term in today's vocabulary of internet driven society. i think i saw her like or repost it. anyway, our home library's first purchase of fixi books was during the international book fair. she bought a few books with her vouchers and suggested i read the best selling book by nadia khan, even tho she hasn't read it herself. so i did. and when i love authors or their books, i usually read up about them and it turns out she's a doctor! she's also the daughter of hatta azad khan. which I've heard of during my medschool yrs, and i seem to recall attending a play she directed tho I'm confused as to why i vividly remember it being in cucms and not in imi where she studied. she's currently doing her masters in psychology.

so i read kelabu and this what this review is about.

in a word: heart wrenching
star rating: 10/10 when i love something i go all out. which is a flaw of mine.

i cried gloriously. maybe its what i needed during what I'm going through right now. I'm tearing up just recalling the emotions associated with the book.

ok if at this point u want to read the book, u should go ahead and do so. so as to get the full effect from the mind-blowing mid section of the book. ok go shush. go read and come back here.

spoilers ahead. warning.

so ok, i read the book. i don't usually like malay books which are written in slang or have campurization in it. I'm a purist. i think books should be literary and enrich that language. be it in english or malay or which ever language the author chooses to write in. (pardon my hypocritical blog post). i wasn't expecting much from the book. it was an easy read. it was thicker than other fixi books 500 pages plus compared to the usual 250 pages plus.

yea its a first person account of a photographer who in the first few pages had a meeting with this girl who was gonna pay to be her boyfriend. i was reading it happily when suddenly i realised what was going on! i have finally found the advantage of bahasa melayu being a genderless language. throughout the first half of the book, it was implied that it was a he, his friends are boys, his dad treats him like a boy. the ways he dresses is like a boy. even the girls are attracted to him. so when i find out that he's not a he i was schocked! sucker punched. i felt like the book ripped in half and flipped upside down. and i totally understood the cover and the synopsis. and i flipped the first few pages again and there were so many clues i didn't see. too oblivious.

she's a tomboy, or a dyke as the author put it. i don't agree with the lgbt movement, in all its shades. i am of the opinion that boys are boys and girls are girls. having said that, i don't oppose it, i just oppose it if they try to impose it on others. if they try to involve other people in it, such as when same sex couples adopt children. which i find totally disturbing and i am totally against. poor kids!!

so this changes everything. whatever happened before the reveal, turns out to be all legit (islamically that is, as technically there was nothing wrong with them sleeping at that hotel or holding hands etc).

the story's pov has changed and the plot now involves her parents and the author paints a picture as to how the protagonist was raised. what led to this and the circumstances around it. the book also explained how the love that wasn't meant to be became that. how society and its  rules work. how she and her father work things out in their life. they even sort out their relationship with God.

u can tell the book was written by someone with a medical background, like when the reason for wearing sunglasses indoor at night was given; sakit mata, i assume it to be conjunctivitis. there was a disclaimer saying it wasn't anything that the doctor would've have advised.

i loved the end and how new characters are introduced without making a conclusion for the reader. this is hope. there more to it than those chapters of your life. maybe more characters have yet to be introduced. more chapters to be written. and you get to decide who turns up knocking on your door.

the other important character here is the best friend who was there all along. who somewhere along the way was friend zoned. but we might never know if it was him or that pseudo psychologist.

i half expected it to be those ahadiat akashah type books where everyone was a datin or anak dato and they're all super rich and holiday in london. I'm glad i was wrong and the book send me down this emotional trail, which i would have otherwise discovered myself. the aspects of losing someone, the love that never was meant to be. this was about a month ago. when i recommend it to my snobbish literary friends, they turned up their noses =P. the book is now with someone less snobbish.

i have several different circles of friends, who i don't really venn diagram.

yesterday i went out with a newly acquired circle to watch a french movie; approved for adoption or literally colour of skin: honey. the most annoying thing was the pseudocencorship, i think they had someone up there with a piece of paper blocking out the "censored" part. why make it pg13? just make it 18 or something and let us watch the full thing.

ok so the main thing is i wanted to talk about was maleficient. another spoiler alert. go watch the movie now. the word is actually part of the hipocratic oath after first, do no harm (primum non nocere). beneficence, non maleficence. so i pronounce it as "ler" instead of "lair". and i just found out now that I've been spelling it wrong too.

i knew it was another pov of the sleeping beauty story. I'm reading review about how sugary everything is and how people wanted her to be bad. don't you people have enough bad news in the world to want this movie to be about a villain too? i absolutely loved it. with all its sugary goodness. i needed the sugariness. i loved it as much as i loved peter pan the dodi alfayed version. i could watch it over and over again. i actually think i might.

there were some plot twists i liked, agreed to and wasn't expecting. i hated stefan for making her love him. for making her wait. for plotting to kill her for his own gains to ascend the throne. for not having the balls to just kill her and be done with it but instead he just ended up cutting her wings instead. how she was left with the scar of it, the pain, the not being able to fly. she became dark and gloomy along with the moors. her childhood was just idyllic. she was after all a fairy. she did what anyone who had their heart broken and their wings cut off would do when that guy goes off to become king and marries someone else and has a child! throws the baby a curse. she ended up instead, stalking the baby, and practically raised her. i loved the moment when aurora calls maleficent her fairy god mother. i would never have thought of it. she loved that baby and watched her grow up. she tried to undo the curse but to no avail. which is true in life, if u do something when u were emotionally distraught, its very hard to undo it. she tried very hard to fix it. she dragged that boy along to break the curse. but when that didn't work, she vowed to protect aurora her whole life, and kissed aurora on her head apologetically. i expected this. and was glad of it. it showed maleficent was bigger that stefan. i mean how could you love the child of someone who stole your heart and broke it. he married someone else and had a baby with that person! could you do that. maybe

true love does exist. just not in the form that we know it, or what we expect. Allah's love is all around us. its never-ending and consumes us. its so ubiquitous that you don't even know its there. it permeates every living pore, every molecule of air that you breath.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

kimbab making

its korean sushi, except the rice is different.

i learnt it from my housemate's younger sister. she studies enginering in korea

first you need the rice. its kimbab rice. (kim means seaweed and bab rice) i thought i took a picture of the rice packaging, but nobody who doesnt read korean would understand it anyway. you can get this at speciality korean shops..

it needs to be rinsed only once or twice (otherwise the kanji would get washed out i think) then add equal amounts of rice and water. it should be sticky like pulut (glutinouse rice) or sushi rice

then add some sesame oil (to taste)

and a sprinkling of toasted sesame seed

then you need some tuna/salmon. i bought the store packed variety in oil. first drain the oil (obviously) then mix it up with some mayo (i also added chilisauce, so malaysian of me)

and this is how it should turn out looking (tastes better than it looks i promise)

 then prepare the filling. you need some pickled radish

fresh cucumbers, peeled, core out the middle, you dont need those, cut them into strips

and some carrots

cook some crabsticks

they need to be in strips too.. and some cheese. we just used sliced cheddar cheese

next you need some kim, they look like this

 they come in sheets
 lay the sheets out, the rough side up. spread out the rice on about a third of the kim

 lay strips of cucumber, radish
 put the tuna in between
 top that with the crabsticks, carrots and cheese
 now the tricky part: the rolling!you actually need a rolling mat for this, but we went without
 and voila!

 you can actually eat it like this, or you can serve this up as slices

enjoy! they are delish! i swear

Monday, January 2, 2012

here's to the new year

its that time of the year! resolutions!

i love reviewing what i wrote last year, but this yr its mostly on fb and tumblr and now im starting to tweet. mixed media i should say

heres what im looking forward to in the new year (in no particular order) im reading a book and it teaches you to speak in terms of the present, because in reality time is relative

  • travel! if i can stand the straight 5day calls, i think i deserve a treat! dont u? 
  • learning! lots to learn in the new department. im super hyper in plastic! xcited already
  • a healthier me. i am fit =) 
    • lots of swimming, aerobics, jogging with friends
    • great sleeping habits 
    • great eating habits
    • great skin 
  • i think ill take up a new language; im fluent in arabic and french
    • the latter is of course to equip me for working in france! im thinking: sabatical leave of at least a year! oo lala~
  • love.. hee! this is the year =) i can feel it
  • abundance. in all areas of life. and motivation. and a life of helping others, no matter how little. 
  • i will not refuse anyone who asks me for money. regardless of the amount. God help me =)
  • i am kind to all. and i mean ALL
  • i am punctual. always
  • write more! hello blogger dashboard. here's to writing more meaningful posts yay~
  • attracting positivity. think positive uplifting thoughts and perpetuating more in the process
  • better taste in music! uplifting, spiritually beneficial music
  • read more. taking up reading again. ticking off my to read list! motivational, medical and artsy reading
    • i have to read for an exam (yikes!) 
  • im better dressed. style~
  • enough money for a house!and that plot of land in pulau rusa complete with a cozy holiday home there. a green of course!
this could go on and on but this is from the top of my head. ill add to it as i go

The world as I see it, is a remarkable placeA beautiful house in a forest, of stars in outer space.From a birds eye view, I can see it has a well-rounded personalityFrom a birds eye view, I can see we are family.

Friday, November 4, 2011

blogging again

fuh alhamdulillah with a sigh of relief i completed my ho ship. i didnt end with a big celebration, just went out quietly, had a nice holiday at the end with close friends. gosh i cannot tell you how much i miss blogging. i just wasnt able to do it while i was still a ho. i would inevitablly end up grumbling my whole 2 years away. not that i didnt enjoy it though. there were parts that i enjoyed ! (maybe too much even ;p) all departments were great (except that one hideous misnomer of a department which i shall be left unmentioned), love the hospital by the beach, love the city

i feel like a theme song coming on ~

if i had my way im gonna stay here for life

in retrospect it wouldve been nice to document my ho journey, but i think i would've named too many names, and said things so inappropriate you would not believe it. 
but its good that it didnt document most of it, that way i get to remember the good bits. there were lots of good bits, made lots of great friends, and of course learnt a thing or two about medicine.
anyway i missed blogging sooo much.fb statuses doesnt do it for me really~ neither does twitter
i have yet to find a great blogger app, so i can blog from my phone.
more to come later~

good to be back

if i had my own hospital

imagine if all those needle and syringe wrappers were recycled. all those hospital parking lots outfitted with solar panels, it would make for a great covered parking too, shielding the visitors from sun and rain. all the staff (who carpooled to work) would get their own parking.
imagine if we used biodegradable detergent for the linen. if all the wards were naturally sunlit and breezy and icus were passively cooled. if all food served were organically grown in a the hospital garden. lush trees grow there, perfect for the patients to go on walks. if grey water was used in the plumbing. that's what i would do if i had my own hospital.
all the staff would get their won pasivhous certified quarters, thereby reducing the need for transportation. we could just walk/bike to our wards/clinics. oncall rooms would have gyms yay.
it would be ibadah friendly too. a comfortable and clean place for everyone to pray. a mosque just near by so people wouldn't have to miss friday prayers. working hours would cnter around prayer times, lab and office people would go on breaks based on those.
i would make recycling so easy, everyone would do it.
i would have a cafe open 24hours a day, for all those people oncall, serving fresh delicious healthy food. there would be a salad bar too. and a huge selection of fruits to make your own power juices. the people in the ot can have the food ordered straight to them. excess food would make compost and feeds for animals.
oh and the wonderful labour room, i would call it the birthing center, where mothers wont be strapped down to their beds in embarrassing lithotomy positions. they would choose how they would welcome their baby into this world. they could choose whatever position they are comfortable with to deliver their baby.
how about patient information? every doctor would get a tablet to document findings and treatment. and the system would be like a wiki, where anyone who accessed any information would be logged in.
i would have everyone in scrubs, easier to identify who's who and also better to run around in.
the building are not only green, they're regenerative, they heal.

global green and healthy hospital
health care without harm
green guide

gosh i'm absorbed in these documents when i should be reading o&g. ps i delivered a baby via svd (+intact perineum woo!) i ended up delivering the baby in full armour, because it was a biohazard case and all the nurses ran away (busily pretending) to attend another patient. i was so pissed im going to bring up the matter at the next pass over. the disposible delivery set had no cord scissors or suction tubing. cmon do u want all the equipment being mixed up like that?!
yes i am officially an mo. i dont feel anything. apathetic. basically because it feels more like a senior ho position. with the lack of hos, i end up clerking the patients in admission, which i dont mind because that means less new cases to review at night. in the mornings, we plough through all the membranes that need to be ruptured, 1 mo palpating the abdomen, the other doing ve and another typing away at the overworked laptops that cannot be severed from the wall sockets. yup, its never switched off and although the battery indicates that it is 100% charged, it goes into hibernation mode in seconds once unplugged. i guess thats why the ward recently bought a 10m extension for ward rounds. so we lug around the laptops and their hideously heavy table around.
i think ong mo are the most hardworking of all, they do rounds, go into ot, ve, bishop score, deliver the difficult ones, run clinics, in the hopes that them babies come out healthy and happy.
and all the neonates people can see are the bad ones and blame us for not sectioning every potentially high risk patient.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

hijab review: Alya Sara

finallly here!as promised: a review!
ive been meaning to write this up ages ago (ie before the sabah trip) . had it in my head, waiting to be published!
first off; disclaimers: these beauties were given to me by alya sara to be reviewed. but apart from that, i received no monetary gains (just a great hijab)

the stitching
as u can see, for their latest line they used contrasting thread for that authentic "denim" look. same goes for the colours that they come in. all denim inspired. which is great when either paired with formal work attire or for that casual look. its very neat, look at how they did the corners! such attention to detail.

the material
as u can see, the material is opaque which is great and it comes with a slight stretch, just like your regular jeans! it goes both ways which is great for draping, so it can fit perfectly to the contours of your head, and also for non pin wearers (like moi), great for tucking in.
the material is also of a heavier quality than most shawls im used to, but having said that, it was very comfortable to go to work in. i stayed nice and cool (di bilik6)
shawls have what i call a 'grip' factor, for example, i switched from shiny viscose ones to rough pashmina like shawls because of the grip. the latter are less fussy for me because it stays on requiring no undercaps or pins. i prefer frequent adjustments to my shawl, esp after using a stethoscope, so pins would be cumbersome. so as far as that goes, it had quite a nice grip.

sizing & draping
as you can see, its just the right size,ie not too big with too much material overwhelming the hijabi, but not too small that parts that need covering don't get covered. i dont have the exact dimensions with me right now, but whats important when wearing a shawl, you need front and back parts to have enough coverage, as in the picture, it forms nice triangle shapes on both sides as you would wearing a traditional square hijab. also another plus point is that, because of how they finish the hems, the hijab frames the face quite nicely. i like how the tip (the part where normal tudungs have an awning), forms properly.

if youre not comfortable wearing it just like this, u can gt a matching (or contrasting) inner cap. its comes in both varieties, a hard awning type or soft awning type. gosh i think i just made up terms for their products.

go get yourself an Alya Sara denim shawl! yay. anyon interested can go over to Alya Sara and get one, or contact me!