Tuesday, October 3, 2017

love tank

continuing the love tank theme from yesterday (i wrote the prev post yesterday but fell asleep while waiting for my henna to dry) below is an excerpt from an ummah.com forum thread. i think its a beautiful explanation.

i usually am aprehensive about writing things like this, but i just realized the view counts on this blog is just me checking for typos. so basically nobody comes here. heh so write we go.

but before reading the thread below, let me share from yesterday's yasmin talk go to 21:45, she describe what it meant.
until i heard this ive never been satisfied with any explantion about uhibbuka fiAllah. i love your for Allah. what does it mean. how does one do it. i love you enough to do what? according to yasmin, when you love someone for Allah, you love to them, when i give something to you as a friend, i dont expect something in return. i give a favour for Allah, because of Allah, through Allah. i dont expect anything in return, time, appreciation, support. the reward will be from God, not from you. you dont owe me. we are not needy. we dont need the people. we are not vulnerable when we wait for something from them. we are putting our trust in the wrong place to seek for support, fulfilment and self worth (validation). either poeple or other things such as career grades material things. other things to make us feel good about ourselves. those things are weak and cannot provide us.

the solution: refocus on Allah and our relationship with Him. within the relationship with people, through Allah, because Allah and for Allah. i dont need reciprocation. the giving back doesnt come from you, it comes from Allah.

How do you respond when someone says to you that they love you for the sake of Allah (uhibbuka fi-Allah)?


In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,


The great Hadith scholar and jurist of this Umma, Imam Nawawi (Allah have mercy on him) has dedicated a whole chapter to the topic of loving others for the sake of Allah in his work Riyadh al-Salihin titled: “The virtues of loving for the sake of Allah and its encouragement, and a man who loves another, informing him that he loves him, and what to say to him when he informs him.” The Imam then quotes numerous Qur’anic verses and Hadiths regarding the virtues of loving others for the sake of Allah, its benefits and rewards, and some etiquette. 

In summary, there are three issues here: 1) Virtues and benefits of loving for the sake of Allah, 2) Informing the person one loves that one loves them for the sake of Allah, and 3) How to respond when informed of this love? 

1) Virtues and benefits of loving for the sake of Allah 

Sayyiduna Anas (Allah be pleased with him) relates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Anyone who possesses three attributes will experience the sweetness of faith (iman): that he loves Allah and His Messenger more than anything else; that he loves someone for the sake of Allah alone; and that he hates the idea of reverting to disbelief, after Allah has released him from it, as much as he would hate being thrown into fire.” (Sahih al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim) 

Loving for the sake of Allah means one loves an individual simply because of the connection he holds with Allah; either because he worships Allah and is doing something to further the deen of Allah, or, even more praiseworthy, merely because he is from the creation of Allah. There is no worldly motive behind this love such as a favour done by him, and is not subject to any fluctuation. As such, it is not increased by the character and kindness of the one loved and not decreased by his shortcomings. (Ibn Allan, Dalil al-Falihin 2/240) 

2) Informing the person that one loves them for the sake of Allah 

Abu Karima al-Miqdad ibn Ma’dikarib (Allah be pleased with him) relates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “When a man loves his brother, he should inform him that he loves him.” (Sunan Abi Dawud no: 5124 and Sunan Tirmidhi no: 2393) 

As such, it is a Prophetic recommendation to inform the person one loves for the Sake of Allah of this love, since this will increase their mutual love and strengthen the bond of brotherhood. It is also good to disclose that this love is for Allah’s sake alone, and not because of any worldly gain or motive. 

3) How to respond when being informed of this love? 

Sayyiduna Anas (Allah be pleased with him) relates that a man was sitting in the company of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) and another man passed by him. He said, “O Messenger of Allah, I love this man.” The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said to him, “Have you informed him?” He said, “No.” He said, “Inform him,” so he caught up with him and said, “I love you for the sake of Allah.” He said, “May the One for whom you love me [Allah] love you.” (Sunan Abi Dawud 1522) 

In light of this practice of the Companion (Allah be pleased with him), if one is informed by someone that they love one for the sake of Allah (uhibbuka fi-Allah), one should respond by saying, “ahabbakalladhi ahbabtani lahu,” meaning may Allah Most high, for the sake of Whom you have love for me, love you. It is a way of reciprocating them for their love and making Dua for them, Insha Allah. 

And Allah knows best
Muhammad ibn Adam
Darul Iftaa 
Leicester , UK 


angerrrrrr

do not get angry. la taghdob.

thank you yasmen mogahed a talk in 2013.

islam acknowledges anger. we feel anger. its there for a reason. like the purpose of pain. its to protect the weak from oppression. not in order to harm or oppress others.

islam doesnt say anger doesnt exist. its what you do with the anger.

another reason is to protect ourselves against our own nafs. not so that we self hate. so that we direct the anger towards our lower self of our own selves. the wrong way is to defend that lower part of our own selves.

what causes anger and feeds it?

1 feeling not in control. nobody is in control. Allah is in control. none of us are.
the cure: we need to let go of wanting to control every little thing.

2 high expectations. any expectations (sense of entitlement ie this is what i deserve), when u expect from the creation and dunya. vs hoping and praying for something. the moment u get it, u cant really enjoy it coz u expect it. i meant to get this anyway. if u dont expect it, u surprise yourself and are more grateful for it. on the contrary if you dont get it, you will be broken.
the cure: dont feel entitled.

(note: there is a minimum humane expectation. there certain minimum levels of respect and dignity you are entitled to. know your rights)



you are not punished for your anger, you are punished by your anger.

on a separate note. heres a talk about being let down. being constantly sad and empty. you are holding on to a twig, it wasnt designed to hold your weight, you fall. you're hanging on to the wrong things. you're filling your self with the wrong thing. with the wrong types of love and devotion. devote yourself to God. the love and the mercy is a sign. its a means of God. a means of reaching Allah. it's not an end in itself. its not the purpose. this is a sign for those who reflect. its a sign of Allah's Love and Mercy and Kindness. this other person isnt to save us. The only thing that can save you is your Creator. the only One who is meant to fill you up, to fulfil you give you happiness and strength is the the Creator. the other person wasn't meant to fulfil that role.

the disappointment is due to the wrong expectations. the love tank can only be filled with God. stop filling it up with the wrong thing which contracts, evaporates quickly and is draining afterwards.

Sunday, October 1, 2017

seasons

 winter
 spring
summer
autumn

waiting for the dark cold months of winter and the spring that follows. ppl living in the tropics wont understand. its hot and humid or hot and wet.

i reconstructed my own lipbalm today. i broke a body shop cocoa butter stick and kept it in a container. it was too soft for malaysian weather. or maybe i opened it too long. anyway. my cousin makes her own cosmetics and taught me how to simply melt the ingredients and refill an empty balm stick. which i did. and i added some of her red red red tinted lipbalm in tiny amounts. so my balm ended up a nice shade of pink.

my lips are so sore and chapped and lichenified and basically black and bleeding. i have to let it heal. i dunno if its the dx or se of the meds. i think its the latter coz its my first time taking it. it flares everytime i get stressed. this time was emotional, physical, fatigue, and maybe all that travelling. weather and maybe i was supressing my stress

i wanted to blog about the trip. but maybe next time. always a next time.

what else did i do today. activated 2 loyalty card programmes. and registered for another one. but ddnt read the fine print and lost out on a discounted meal and free coffee. shux.

rode on mrt on the first day it became normal price. hence less crowd. and nice journey with the kiddos. anfaal broke her lip too. i wasnt there. i was doing some shopping on my own. i dunno why i bought 2 hairbands and an eyemask. ok coz hair was all over my face duringyoga yesterday. and i why do i put up with the cheap free ones from airplanes when it keeps moving nd i cant sleep. and at the cashier, a new lipbalm for charity. why is edible. read the ingredient and it even has stevia lol. it was sweet.

yoga yesterday coz i cant next week. neither can the teacher. no pictures as my yoga partner wasnt around. but we learnt a variant of the supported headstand. this time i got up on my own. i hope the posture was correct. and she ddnt see and comment. plus no picture i can check my alignment. my shoulder and back is super sore today. so i knew i hit the correct spots.

just for my notes here are the sequences i can remember.

on all 4s. round the back. focus on opening shoulder back and chest not the lower back. avoid hunching. i cant remember what she called the opposite way. in my head its hyperextension of the spine. maybe she said curved back. same thing. focus on the ribcages and opening the chest. otherwise will end up hunching. this really helped. coz i cant really focus on where my shoulder blades are. when she tells me to pull in down. she means caudally. get confusing when youre upside down in an inversion.

full plank. elbow plank. back to full plank. shift from one arm to the other in  sequence. do it deliberately. then point toes (like a tiptoe if standing) and plank. squeeze glutes.

downward dog. stretch hamstrings by alternating one leg straight and the other one bent. then straighten both and push pelvic bones caudally.

one leg in front outside of both arms. front leg 90'. back leg straight. contract inner thighs and back leg glutes. open chest and face opposite side, outer arms straight up. open up chest and rib cage and back. breathe. releaser slowly. repeat opposite side.

sit. do half a sideways split. right leg crossed at symphysis. left straight out. back straight.

repeat all on both sides. child's after each cycle. timed to about 5 breathes each. dont forget to breath when holding in the pain. you should just let it go and feel the pain lol. leaves my muscles all fasciculating. dunno lack of oxygen coz wasnt breathing or it was from the pain.

this sequence is great. i thought we werent prepping for an inversion. but we were and i did!

the tiptoes full plank and half split was prep for remembering which muscles to activate when u go into tripod and stack you head, spine and finally pelvis on top of one another in a straight line. at this point your straight leg will naturally lift along with the pelvis. and the other leg is on tiptoes. which u raise slowly. dont even extend it.

later more advanced class i think.

oh another great tip is try to balance a yoga block on your head to find out the spot you should balance yourself on. other points would just hurt. and get you arm really 90' with the ground and shoulder. and open all the fingers to spread the weight, but keep thumbs closed and touching.

i should write down more yoga notes ey.

and i am in the middle of reading the official ted book on public speaking. go out and do something it says!! gaaa

to do: buy a sewing machine. sew reusable shopping bags. use them. find the boardgames. play them.

Thursday, September 28, 2017

dream

if i have a child i might give her middle name this. dream

blogging since 2005 cant believe it hah

i moved it after a while coz it became too personal there. i don remember half of what i wrote. dunno what its about.

it was just a dream . i would actually do whatever it takes

problem with feeling too much. over the wrong things huh

i try not to get too personal here but yea this time round i am and it did happen.

i try not do something i would regret later or anything destructive to self. options include, cutting my hair, colouring it, perming it, usually doesn't stick, straight hair problems. disable my social media accounts. go out watch a movie. sleep a lot.

im am falling apart 


Wednesday, September 27, 2017

buffet

buffet

- If a problem does occur there are four things you need to do
1. Get it right – get the facts right
2. Get it fast – move to action swiftly
3. Get it out – get it completely out of the system
4. Get on – move on Never let a problem sit unattended to

- If a problem does occur you need to 
1. Get it right 2. Get it fast 3. Get it out 4. Get on 

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

self-awareness unicorns

i bookmarked this but never got round to reading it. i have a long list of saved posts im interested to read and will only end up reading it if it pops up several more times on my timeline. thanx to k hidayah i finally am reading the article and now just added the book to my to read list. its growing longer and longer. as i keep adding on to it. then i start reading. then i think i have to do my work. and vicious cycle.

(all these links, i hope they dont break, i reopened my old blog and most of the links dont function, i should screenshot and just paste it here probably)

so this article was about introspection. when u look inside and it doesn't help, its because you ask "why". asking "what" questions help better.

i will remind myself that the next time round

heres to better insight. helpful ones.

"what do i feel when he does this?" instead of "why does he make me feel that way" might answer more questions.

what am i? a unicorn. duh

the house is quite, the 3 girls have stopped screaming their heads off

meant to write a long winded post. but yea. car broke down today. so did i basically. my solution to the situation is that i need an iphone 8 lol. well i cant exactly get me an ipx can i. my boss thinks i need a new car. which i do not want to pay monthly for. my friend calculated ubering/grabbing everywhere is still cheaper than monthly payments for a car, considering, road tax, insurance, parking, petrol, maintenance etc3. except i go to several pitstops esp on mtg days. and i have gym things and mtg things (docu). i dont need to add another debt to pay. so i work so i can my debt? what?

none of this is on my social media. none of the important things are. its all fake there.

Sunday, September 3, 2017

bibik

its post holiday syndrome. im supposed to do my backlogged work i couldnt get myself to do before the trip. i was too stressed about the missing files i used that as an excuse not to start it at all. so here goes. 1 day and a half left. am spending the next half hour blogging to get things of my chest. i cant write about whats really bothering me. as its a no go. so ill write about the other less important thing ive thought about the past few weeks maybe months.

i read this book by marie kondo or more fondly known as konmari. she developed a technique on how to organise your space. its practical and get you in the right mindset. after the original book, theres also an encyclopedia of how to tackle specific things and also fold other things. my friend then suggested another book. simplicite. i read the translated english versions of both books. konmari is originally in japanese and its basically charming. i saw her on ellen and was immediately taken by her. simplicite is translated from the original french. love it too. the interesting about both of these books is that they both live in japan. how both are influenced by the philosophy and culture there. while konmari focuses on the home (where everything starts) simplicite explores the broader picture; first the surrounding enviro namely the home and personal space then goes on to explore the body and later attempts to declutter the mind.

a major point i took away from this is having personal help around the house. i dont know how malaysians and arabs manage to get anything done. we've always had someone clean up after us. even at the petrol station someone fills up for us, sometimes they even run to the counter to pay for us. at mcd and even ikea (shocks), someone clears our trays for us.

while we were growing up, mama was a full time home manager. she manages everything. she has a degree. but due the nature of my dads job, we moved A LOT, and other factors she alhamdulillah managed to stay home to look after us. so my point is we never had help. at least not full time help. once i a while someone would come and do specific jobs. but other than that we ddnt have an outsider living with us.

all this while, i hated house chores, coz we had to chip in do certain things. so ive always wanted a bibik.

but after reading those 2 books and seeing all the troubles of having a bibik entails, i have to the conclusion that when i have my own household, i will not have full time help.

(at least thats what i say now. if things get overwheling i might go back on my word tho. if i get the chance to have a household to manage that is. so many disclaimers)

example on bibik issues include : parenting issues, how they meddle with how we want to parent our children. house chore issues, how they are so wasteful, how they do certain specific tasks, how they dont take care of the items at home, and lots more. they think they know better. i think all this is preventable by setting the right tone of employer-employee relationship from the outset.

theres this part in where she explains of the philosophy of cleaning up; i cant remember where it is exactly but the idea is this: in life there are gonna be things that is way out of your control, if there are things going wrong or not your way, you will always have one area in your which you can control namely by tidying up. so there is space in your life you can put things right. which i love. i never thought of it that way. tidying up is taking charge of your enviro.

everyone around me is having bibik issues. i think its not good the family enviro to have a stranger be involved in the personal space like that. i have a few ideas for a housing area where all the bibik will congregate in single bedroom hostels, or have that be an annex to the house. i can imagine the problems they bring if they go back daily and discuss each household's issues at their hostel.

i would also flip the streets. so that the driveway and parking would be at the back alleys, along with the service roads and bomba access. the front and facade of the house will be facing each other line by a common garden for the kids to safely play in and be shaded from each other by trees for privacy.

i actually want to prevent the concept of the bibik alley which is happening right now in my neighbourhood. we live in a terraced housing area, so the bibiks congregate daily during office hours when most home owners are away at work. they sit in each of their employer's homes doing their chores but shout from house to house conversing. in indonesian non the less. also happens on weekends. the back alley is dirty. but they also take the kids they are in charge of, coz they cant leave the kids. they also get in and out of the house form the back. so safety issues there.

i think im procrastinating on the tidying up coz i ddnt want to face the actual issues. i think its true what konmari hypothesizes.

on another note, oprah's what i know for sure is also a great read. but ill review that later with grit. im in the middle of several books right now.

intresting article i found on the economics of tidying up and how to shop 

so heres blogging out of the way. on to proper work. May Allah ease.

Saturday, August 12, 2017

breakfast bar recipe

i got this recipe from once upon a chef  i dunno how i thought the final recipe i used was from bbcfood. well its not.

i love her page, as u can toggle between metric and cups. if u want the measurements in metric head on over to her page. i dont like using cups if butter is involved as u need to scrape it out of the measuring cups. ill include her actual recipe at the bottom. but ill just tell u how i varied it. i ddnt have enough rolled oats so i topped it with some instant oats. i ddnt have any rice crispies (either) and used the oats too and some muesli mix we had. it was a tropical mix with dried mangoes and pumpkin and sunflower seeds in it. the dried mangoes made it smell so yummy.

i roasted the nuts till brown in the oven, but the next time ill just do it in a frying pan, and have it about 3/4 done, not golden brown, as it will be baked again the second time round. and mine was overdone. but it tasted great and finished at an alarming rate.

i added some raisins. made all the difference i think.

i will also go out and buy those rice cripies. mine turned out nice slight chewiness to it. but i think the rice crispies will make the mixture lighter.

i baked the whole thing in the baking tray, then transferred it to a pyrex. i cut it while its still warm. easier. leave to fully cool. try not finish the whole thing 3 days.


Crispy Honey Nut Granola Bars

Servings: Makes 12-16 granola bars
Total Time: 35 Minutes

Ingredients

  • 1-1/2 cups old fashioned rolled oats
  • 1 cup chopped walnuts
  • 1/2 cup sliced almonds
  • 2/3 cup shredded unsweetened coconut (available at Whole Foods or natural food markets)
  • 1/2 cup honey
  • 3 tablespoons light brown sugar
  • 2 tablespoons unsalted butter
  • 1-1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
  • 1 cup crisp rice cereal, such as Rice Krispies

Instructions

  1. Preheat the oven to 350°F. Line a baking sheet with heavy duty aluminum foil.
  2. Spread the oats, walnuts and almonds onto prepared baking sheet. Place in the oven and toast for 7 minutes. Add coconut and toss well, then place back in the oven to cook about 6-8 minutes more. Keep an eye on it towards the end; you want the coconut to turn golden but not burn.
  3. In the meantime, combine the honey, brown sugar, butter, vanilla extract and salt in a small saucepan and place over medium heat. Stir with a whisk until the brown sugar is completely dissolved. Turn off heat and set aside.
  4. Once the oat mixture is done, remove it from the oven and reduce heat to 300°F. Combine the the oat mixture, honey mixture and rice cereal in a large bowl and toss well. (Reserve aluminum foil.)
  5. Use the reserved foil to line a 9x13-inch baking dish, then spray foil with nonstick cooking spray. Turn granola bar mixture out into the prepared baking dish and spread evenly, being careful not to press down too hard. Bake for 20 minutes (be sure heat is reduced to 300°F). Remove from the oven and cool completely, about 1-1½ hours. Use the foil overhang to transfer bars to cutting board, then use a large knife to cut into rectangles. Store in a single layer in an airtight container for up to a week (do not stack the bars or they will stick together and fall apart).
  6. *You can swap in your favorite nuts and seeds as long as you keep the proportions of dry to wet ingredients the same. You can also toss in some dried fruit. On occasion, I’ll sprinkle some chocolate chips over top for the kids (you can't mix them in or they'll melt).
  7. **Be sure your oven is fully preheated before toasting nuts; the initial blast of heat to preheat the oven can burn them.

Thursday, June 15, 2017

fasting

how is your ramadhan? i think this my 20th plus times of proper fasting and enjoying ramadhan.

sad news first. a block of flats caught on fire in the early morning and so far the total casualty count is 5, others are in ICU. Thank God for Ramadhan. Many more would have died if there wasnt a group of muslims who were up for suhur.

so im getting out of focus trying to stay in the zone for ramadhan. i need my work out. then feel guilty for dancing in when i should be performing my ibadah. im getting pretty doozy without the workout. i go all the way to wangsa maju so i can go with my friends and attend a specific instructor's class. i still go about once a week.

at work i dunno if people are hangry but tensions are high. i can see how complacent people are working here. they need to be shaken in their bones. the only thing i can say is إِنِّي صَائِمٌ

trying to compile a list of charities to donate to so it would be easier for giving. and trying to figure out my zakat payment scheme.

Saturday, June 10, 2017

speech

sometimes when i get the urge to i will write loads then a dry spell comes. this is a public blog, so it comes out filtered. most of what i write has to be.

here's an inspiring little lion im currently enjoying pawsome. i especially liked this post about speaking kelantanese.

i grew up in the uk. the posh part. where everyone corrects your grammar and pronunciation as you speak. we were small (middle school) and was fluent by 3 months. i didnt really learn English properly in Malaysia before that. i went to a private Islamic school and they had their own syllabus.

ok back to the speaking. soon, my siblings and i were all conversing in english at home. we even remarked at how our parents "didn't speak it properly/was speaking it funny" when reporting how we were to our fave uncle. how embarrassing to think about it now. i really cannot remember if my parents spoke to us in english or malay but i know this; i understood malay (or so i thought), but i could only reply in english.(when i came back in secondary school, i notice that its the reverse situation in malaysia, ppl understood english but could only reply in malay).

so in the malaysian community that we were in, the naval officers and their families, i knew if they were speaking to me either in english or malay. even though i always replied in english at first. when i got back to malaysia, i lived in terengganu. it was a boarding school on the kelantan-terengganu border. technically you're in terengganu but the locals spoke kelantanese. legends have it that the sultan at that time lost the state during a cock fight. could be true. havent checked this fact.

in school i began to speak malay, but was diving into terengganu malay! haha, i even surprised my relatives from kl when i spoke to them. as i became more fluent, i could speak standard malay and could differentiate the two.

every 6 months i would go back for my holidays in the uk because my family was still living there. there i would meet again all my friends and their families. then i noticed something! everyone had an accent! now i could tell who was speaking kelantanese, utara, kl, even sabahan. this was such an eye opener, all this while i thought everyone was just talking in malay.

and finally i could answer everyone's questions in malay instead of english.

malay in my mother tongue and am proud to be bilingual. i read that it doesn something to your brain. but i think, i tend to think and dream in english. i even absorb things better in english. why i would prefer to receive certain information in english.

there are a list of languages i wish i spoke, this includes arabic (top of the list) and japanese and french which tie in second.

i believe the only way to learn a language is to speak it. except arabic, as i want to learn to read and understand the Quran. i would love to converse in it, but the arabic form is more refined ad literary than the fushah. let alone the regional slangs.

i'm a certified translator, i went to a short course in itbm. now i can fully appreciate each of the two languages nuances. i meant malay and english.

another thing, i used to be a purist, i hated people who used "i" "you" when talking in malay. if i spoke malay, i would do it fully, using the more formal "saya" "awak" rather than "aku" "ko" or the real reason i didnt say "aku" was that it was paired with "mung" in terengganu, a version i did not prefer. its a corruption the word "kamu". which how my mother would address us in malay. i would refer to myself as the third person (kaklong) when talking to a family member.

i would get teased about my ways in terengganu by my specialist coz she used "i" "you" when talking. now that ive moved to the greater klang valley and in the gov sector. i totally get her. the usage is so flexible, how can u address someone more senior or a superior by saying "awak"? thats just unacceptable, you would have to address them by name, preferably formal name. on the other hand, addressing yourself as "saya" is totally ok. so a good middle ground is to use "i" "you" when talking to anyone, especially if you do not know their status in the gov hierarchy of things.

initially when i moved out of terengganu, i still was a purist, i preferred using "saya" over mixing my speech. i spoke that way to everyone. and as ive always noticed, people would always change their way of speaking when talking to me. especially people who use "aku", they would always end up using "saya" with me. i have some friends that i started talking to them in "saya", and now after a while, its awkward to change it to mixed "i" "you" speech. i now prefer it when texting, coz its the shortest way to do so: i u. even tho with some people i dont really use it real life, just while texting.

now i've noticed that my nephew who is 4 even used "i" "you" lol, he knows the concept of first second persons in both languages, and no longer refers to himself in the third person. but lately his parents talk to him in malay using "i" "you". funny to watch in a 4 year old. i must say.

i have taken all this to another level, and have started using "i" "you" while talking in terengganu english. (ie: i dok tau la bakpe...).

oh the evolution of speech hey.